Gods & Monsters

I had an interesting conversation with Raynee today.  Well, actually two that neatly coincided with the opportunity to really talk to her about God.  Not the biblical aspect, that’s why we go to Awana’s and Sunday school. 

Currently, we are going through a mild version of the Night Terror stage.  One thing I will say is that for her it’s very real and she struggles nightly to stay awake.   Surprisingly, there’s only been a few nights has she crawled into bed with us.   Truth be told, both Mitch & I enjoy the snuggle time.  Until that sweet little foot nails me in the throat. 

It’s been frustrating and painful, yet her coping mechanism is so impressive for her age.  From the very first evil Disney character—Ursula—she established an imaginary alliances.  For example:  when she was 2 1/2 –ish and would get spooked at night, she would tell Ursula to guard the bedroom door and keep the monsters out.  Cripes, I didn’t think of that until I was 4 or 5. 

Roughly two years later, I’ve had to co-chair “meetings” to organize Team Villain.  On three different occasions we’ve had to call in the ladies: Evil Queen from Snow White, Evil Queen Maleficent, Ursula, and Cruella, just to name a few.  Let’s not forget the boys: Jafar, Sully and Mikey (led by “Her Boy” Randall from Monsters Inc.).   True story.  Had all the entrances and perimeter covered. 

As mentioned before, this phase has been challenging for her.  But today an opportunity dropped in my lap and quite frankly it was one of my better Mommy moments.  It began in a conversation on the way to school (and I pray we’ll be able to talk like this until she’s 50).   Casually, she mentions that she’s unable to sleep and wakes up often.  This is making her tired, understandably.  Without offering any advice, I try a different approach. “That must be very frustrating”, and let her continue to talk.

 

This has been weighing heavy on my heart and our options are running low.  We’ve even moved her furniture around and repositioned her bed.  Last week I suggested she where her glasses at night (thinking if she could see clearly it would ease her mind).  Nope.  This is one of many, many things that she’s going to have to overcome on her own.  Sigh.

After school, she was mentions how mad she is at Randall.  Apparently, she’s been asking him to come out and protect her at night.  But he isn’t coming.  Quietly I hear, “That’s because he isn’t real, Mom”, she says sadly.  Here we go, folks.  Hope I don’t blow it.  “I’ve got a secret for you, honey. Monsters aren’t real, either.”  My big moment had a hell of an impact--she stopped talking.  I could feel her processing that concept.  Giving myself a mental pat on the back, I ask what she wants for lunch. Little did I know that my real opportunity was only a few hours away, at bedtime. 

Lately, Daddy has entered the building and is rocking her world.  Our bedtime routine has shifted a bit and Daddy reads books before bed now.  I still get my goodnight moment, then I’m off to do my thing.   Tonight, as I pass her room, she runs out to ask me if I could sleep in her room tonight, because of the monsters.  Not quite sure how to handle it, I put her off for a moment.  Her disappointment resonated, but sleeping in her room will not resolve anything (except ease her mind for one night.  I feel so shitty).   She goes back to snuggle with Dad while I wash the day’s chaos off my face. 

Once my mind is clearer (insert joke here), I return to her room.  Still no idea what to say yet, I sit down next to her (Mitch is almost asleep) and just be with her for a minute.  Out of no where, the words just come out of my soul. 

“Remember the verse from Awana’s class tonight?  Trust in the Lord”?  Her sleepy eyes sadly look away.  “Remember today in the car when you said Randall isn’t real”?  Her eyes cut to me and I have her attention.  “Well, since we know that Randall isn’t real, but God is, why don’t we ask God to watch over us instead? 

I continue, "You know, he has soooo many angels, over a million at least”.  “Does he have one for me”?  Now her eyes are wide and words are hopeful. “I know he does.  He has lots.  Did you know that Mommy believes God has given her at least five Guardian Angels and I believe he has some for you, too.  All you have to do is ask Him”.  For the first time, I see hope in her eyes and the wheels turning in her lightning-quick mind. 

“And you wanna know a secret?  He’s already been watching over you.  Ever since you were born.  Because He loves you so much.  Just like me”.

It’s so rare when I get something right.